jump |jəmp|verb1 [ intrans. ] to push oneself off a surface and into the air by using the muscles in one’s legs and feet : the cat jumped off his lap |he jumped twenty-five feet to the ground.
I’ve become a pro at what I like to call “left-footed jumping” (LFJ for all you acronym lovers) but which most people refer to as “hopping.” Need to reach a lemon high up in a tree? LFJ. Super excited about something to the point where I don’t care that I look like a child, Mario doing a fist pump, or a character from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest? LFJ. Imitating anybody with two functional feet? L Freakin’ J.
From glancing at my CT scans, one can quickly discern that I have not landed — in the most forceful sense of the word — on my right foot in five years (I have osteoporotic bone despite how much cheese and yogurt I consume. Friendly recommendation: listen to your doctors and engage in weight-bearing exercise if you are able). If the corollary of “what goes up must come down” holds true, then I have not jumped in five years.
Activities I miss:
-jumping to grab things
-jumping in sports/any athletic endeavor
-jumping on a trampoline
-jumping to express excitement
-jumping in front of someone to scare them (this “someone” is usually my beloved brother)
-jumping for the sake of jumping
-jumping while dancing; more specifically, jumping while dancing to this song:
The fact that I haven’t jumped in five years is, to quote my buddies Kriss Kross, “wiggity, wiggity, wiggity whack.”