Jump!

jump |jəmp|verb1 [ intrans. ] to push oneself off a surface and into the air by using the muscles in one’s legs and feet : the cat jumped off his lap |he jumped twenty-five feet to the ground.

This is an RFJ (right-footed jump).

I’ve become a pro at what I like to call “left-footed jumping” (LFJ for all you acronym lovers) but which most people refer to as “hopping.”  Need to reach a lemon high up in a tree?  LFJ.  Super excited about something to the point where I don’t care that I look like a child, Mario doing a fist pump, or a character from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest?  LFJ.  Imitating anybody with two functional feet?  L Freakin’ J.

From glancing at my CT scans, one can quickly discern that I have not landed — in the most forceful sense of the word — on my right foot in five years (I have osteoporotic bone despite how much cheese and yogurt I consume.  Friendly recommendation:  listen to your doctors and engage in weight-bearing exercise if you are able).  If the corollary of “what goes up must come down” holds true, then I have not jumped in five years.

Activities I miss:

-jumping to grab things

-jumping in sports/any athletic endeavor

-jumping on a trampoline

-jumping to express excitement

-jumping in front of someone to scare them (this “someone” is usually my beloved brother)

-jumping for the sake of jumping

-jumping while dancing; more specifically, jumping while dancing to this song:

The fact that I haven’t jumped in five years is, to quote my buddies Kriss Kross, “wiggity, wiggity, wiggity whack.”

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